coat: zara // turtleneck: club monaco // skirt: aritzia // boots: vagabond shoemakers //
So if you've read this blog for a while you know I have struggled with the above topic for a while. Although I have always known I suffer from anxiety, I did recently go through depression as well and it's something I have realized I will always live with. Am I ashamed? I was at first but you know what? It's perfectly normal to not always be OK. It's perfectly normal to not be perfect and to not always feel 100%.
I often wonder what it takes to be truly happy. What does it even mean? Can you ever be truly happy? What I've realized over the past few months is happiness is completely a choice. It's not something that can magically occur and no one else can make you happy except yourself. In the past, I have tried to find happiness with people and material things. Sure, it worked for a while but it eventually started cracking and I felt so lost.
What has helped me overcome my darker times was writing down what I was thankful for. It could be something as simple as - having a roof over my head, having the means to buy a coffee in the morning, having a job. When I read the list, I started feeling better.
I also started doing things for myself. I started working out, I started running out my stress and going to spin. It has really helped me. I actually look forward to going to the gym and releasing all the negativity out of my body. It makes me work harder and I feel accomplished.
I also realized I cannot rely on others to make me happy. Sure, hanging out with friends and loved ones helps and don't get me wrong it does provide happiness but if you're not happy with yourself none of it matters. In the past, I thought if I hung out with a certain person it would make me happy. I think it started to be evident to that person that they couldn't provide that for me and it started to dissolve.
I also let go of things that didn't make me happy. I took time to myself a few months ago from my job and it was one of the best things I could have done for myself. I took time out for ME and no one else. Letting go is one of the hardest things but it's something that's completely necessary sometimes.
Lastly, I let go of guilt. Well, let me rephrase that, I am actively trying to let go of guilt. I think it will be a process but I'm headed in the right mind set. I am letting go of feeling guilty over past mistakes and issues. I feel like I'm naturally very, VERY hard on myself. I hate to know I've caused someone pain or anger. I naturally hold on to the guilt and it ate at me and caused extreme unhappiness. I recently met with someone that I felt I had wronged and although it was very painful, it felt good to know that not only did I not need to hold on to the guilt but that you can let go of that guilt without a meeting. I realized that it just wasn't worth my time anymore and only brought me grief and negativity. Why hold on to something that does that? It's stupid. You can let it go yourself. I also have to realize when it comes to friendships, relationships, work or whatever it is. It's always a two way street. You are not the only one that brought you to that point.
Life is too damn short to hold on to guilt. Life is too damn short to not seek happiness. Life is too short to not focus on yourself.
You know what has made me very happy over the past week? Focusing on my blessings. Focusing on how damn lucky I am to have the life that I have. To have people who love me, to have someone who can handle my craziness, my dog haha, my friends. It's easier said than done but I am no longer letting myself focus on the negative. I'm looking out for ME. I'm looking out for my happiness. I'm trying to be the best version I can be. Feels good doesn't it?
Thanks for reading my rant! Have an amazing Tuesday!
I also started doing things for myself. I started working out, I started running out my stress and going to spin. It has really helped me. I actually look forward to going to the gym and releasing all the negativity out of my body. It makes me work harder and I feel accomplished.
I also realized I cannot rely on others to make me happy. Sure, hanging out with friends and loved ones helps and don't get me wrong it does provide happiness but if you're not happy with yourself none of it matters. In the past, I thought if I hung out with a certain person it would make me happy. I think it started to be evident to that person that they couldn't provide that for me and it started to dissolve.
I also let go of things that didn't make me happy. I took time to myself a few months ago from my job and it was one of the best things I could have done for myself. I took time out for ME and no one else. Letting go is one of the hardest things but it's something that's completely necessary sometimes.
Lastly, I let go of guilt. Well, let me rephrase that, I am actively trying to let go of guilt. I think it will be a process but I'm headed in the right mind set. I am letting go of feeling guilty over past mistakes and issues. I feel like I'm naturally very, VERY hard on myself. I hate to know I've caused someone pain or anger. I naturally hold on to the guilt and it ate at me and caused extreme unhappiness. I recently met with someone that I felt I had wronged and although it was very painful, it felt good to know that not only did I not need to hold on to the guilt but that you can let go of that guilt without a meeting. I realized that it just wasn't worth my time anymore and only brought me grief and negativity. Why hold on to something that does that? It's stupid. You can let it go yourself. I also have to realize when it comes to friendships, relationships, work or whatever it is. It's always a two way street. You are not the only one that brought you to that point.
Life is too damn short to hold on to guilt. Life is too damn short to not seek happiness. Life is too short to not focus on yourself.
You know what has made me very happy over the past week? Focusing on my blessings. Focusing on how damn lucky I am to have the life that I have. To have people who love me, to have someone who can handle my craziness, my dog haha, my friends. It's easier said than done but I am no longer letting myself focus on the negative. I'm looking out for ME. I'm looking out for my happiness. I'm trying to be the best version I can be. Feels good doesn't it?
Thanks for reading my rant! Have an amazing Tuesday!
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